Texting is often the easiest way for co-parents to communicate. It’s fast, convenient, and keeps a written record. But it can also lead to tension if messages are misread or sent in frustration.
When co-parents text with clarity and calm, they can avoid conflict and stay focused on what matters most—their child. Here’s a guide to help make texting more productive and less stressful.
✅ DO: Keep It Focused on the Kids
Texting should be limited to topics related to your child—like school schedules, medical updates, or changes in parenting time. Avoid discussing your personal relationship or rehashing old arguments.
✅ Example: “Emma has a fever. I’ve scheduled a doctor’s appointment for 2 PM tomorrow.”
✅ Example: “I’ll drop the soccer uniform off at your house Sunday by 6:00 PM.”
❌ DON’T: Use Texts to Argue or Blame
It’s easy to fire off a message when you’re frustrated—but texting isn’t the place to vent. Angry or emotional messages often escalate the conflict and can be used against you later.
❌ Avoid: “You always do this. You don’t care about what’s best for our son.”
❌ Avoid: “Why should I remind you again? You're the one who keeps messing things up.”
✅ DO: Be Clear and Specific
The more precise you are, the less likely you’ll be misunderstood. Be sure to include names, dates, times, and details when making or confirming plans.
✅ Example: “Can you pick up Mia from her piano lesson at 4:30 PM at Music Hall on Wednesday?”
✅ Example: “Just confirming I’ll return Alex to your house Sunday at 7 PM after our weekend.”
❌ DON’T: Be Vague or Passive-Aggressive
Sarcasm, vague language, and backhanded comments only create tension. If you’re trying to be helpful or cooperative, say exactly what you mean in a respectful way.
❌ Avoid: “Well, I guess I’ll do it AGAIN since you can’t manage.”
❌ Avoid: “Whatever works for you—like usual.”
✅ DO: Take Time Before You Reply
Not every message needs an instant response. If you feel frustrated or hurt, give yourself time to cool off. Respond when you can do so calmly and clearly.
✅ Tip: Write a draft, wait 15 minutes, re-read it, and then decide whether to send.
✅ Tip: If you need more time, respond with: “I’ll check on that and get back to you later today.”
❌ DON’T: Use the Child as a Messenger
Never send messages through your child or discuss texts with them. Kids should never be put in the middle or made to feel responsible for managing communication between parents.
❌ Avoid: “Tell your mom she needs to be on time this time.”
❌ Avoid: Showing your child angry messages from the other parent.
✅ DO: Keep a Record of Important Messages
Save texts that involve agreements about parenting time, expenses, or decisions about your child. Keeping a clean record can help clarify misunderstandings and provide documentation if needed in court or mediation.
✅ Tip: Avoid editing or deleting message threads related to your child’s care.
❌ DON’T: Overshare or Get Personal
Your co-parent doesn’t need to know how you feel about their new relationship, parenting style, or weekend plans. Keep the conversation centered on co-parenting—not your emotions or opinions.
❌ Avoid: “It’s interesting that you suddenly have time for him now.”
❌ Avoid: “By the way, I saw you out with someone new—just thought I’d mention it.”
Final Thoughts
Texting your co-parent doesn't have to be stressful. When messages are respectful, focused, and child-centered, communication becomes more productive—and parenting becomes easier for everyone involved.
At Hope For Our Future, LLC, we help co-parents improve their communication and reduce conflict, so they can work toward peaceful, consistent parenting routines that support their children.
This post was written by Chelle Hendershot, who is a dedicated Mediator, Guardian ad Litem, and Parenting Coordinator at Hope For Our Future, LLC, with a passion for helping individuals and families navigate through life's most challenging moments. This post is not intended to be legal advice and is for marketing purposes only.
Copyright © 2025 Hope For Our Future, LLC. All rights reserved. This blog post may be shared, copied, and distributed in its entirety for non-commercial purposes, provided that proper attribution is given, and no modifications are made to the original work.
Photo Credit:
55621892
Andrea De Martin
Dreamstime.com
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