How to Stay Calm During Difficult Co-Parenting Conversations
May 19, 2025

Let’s be honest—talking with a co-parent can be frustrating, especially when there’s history or unresolved conflict. But staying calm during those tough conversations is one of the best things you can do for your child.

Here are some strategies to help:


1. Stick to the Topic

Avoid bringing up past issues or unrelated complaints. Focus only on the current issue and how to solve it. If emotions start to rise, gently steer the conversation back to the topic.


2. Pause Before You Reply

When something upsets you, take a breath before responding. If you’re texting or emailing, give yourself time to think before you hit “send.” A pause can help prevent words you might regret later.


3. Use “I” Statements

Instead of saying “You never…” or “You always…,” try framing your feelings with “I” statements. For example, “I feel frustrated when the schedule changes without notice.” This reduces defensiveness.


4. Don’t Try to Win

The goal is not to win an argument—it’s to find a solution that works for your child. Keep your focus on problem-solving, not proving a point.


5. Know When to Step Away

If the conversation is going nowhere or becoming harmful, it’s okay to stop and return to it later. Taking space isn’t giving up—it’s protecting your peace.


Final Thoughts

Staying calm isn’t always easy, but it sets the tone for healthier communication and helps your child feel more secure. The more peaceful your parenting relationship, the better the environment is for everyone.



This post was written by Chelle Hendershot, who is a dedicated Mediator, Guardian ad Litem, and Parenting Coordinator at Hope For Our Future, LLC, with a passion for helping individuals and families navigate through life's most challenging moments. This post is not intended to be legal advice and is for marketing purposes only.

 
Copyright © 2025 Hope For Our Future, LLC. All rights reserved. This blog post may be shared, copied, and distributed in its entirety for non-commercial purposes, provided that proper attribution is given, and no modifications are made to the original work.

IMG Credit:
131826640 Calm Conflict Csklyarova Dreamstime.co

Related Post

June 2, 2025
Texting is often the easiest way for co-parents to communicate. It’s fast, convenient, and keeps a written record. But it can also lead to tension if messages are misread or sent in frustration. When co-parents text with clarity and calm, they can avoid conflict and stay focused on what matters most—their child. Here’s a guide to help make texting more productive and less stressful. ✅ DO: Keep It Focused on the Kids Texting should be limited to topics related to your child—like school schedules, medical updates, or changes in parenting time. Avoid discussing your personal relationship or rehashing old arguments. ✅ Example: “Emma has a fever. I’ve scheduled a doctor’s appointment for 2 PM tomorrow.” ✅ Example: “I’ll drop the soccer uniform off at your house Sunday by 6:00 PM.” ❌ DON’T: Use Texts to Argue or Blame It’s easy to fire off a message when you’re frustrated—but texting isn’t the place to vent. Angry or emotional messages often escalate the conflict and can be used against you later. ❌ Avoid: “You always do this. You don’t care about what’s best for our son.” ❌ Avoid: “Why should I remind you again? You're the one who keeps messing things up.” ✅ DO: Be Clear and Specific The more precise you are, the less likely you’ll be misunderstood. Be sure to include names, dates, times, and details when making or confirming plans. ✅ Example: “Can you pick up Mia from her piano lesson at 4:30 PM at Music Hall on Wednesday?” ✅ Example: “Just confirming I’ll return Alex to your house Sunday at 7 PM after our weekend.” ❌ DON’T: Be Vague or Passive-Aggressive Sarcasm, vague language, and backhanded comments only create tension. If you’re trying to be helpful or cooperative, say exactly what you mean in a respectful way. ❌ Avoid: “Well, I guess I’ll do it AGAIN since you can’t manage.” ❌ Avoid: “Whatever works for you—like usual.” ✅ DO: Take Time Before You Reply Not every message needs an instant response. If you feel frustrated or hurt, give yourself time to cool off. Respond when you can do so calmly and clearly. ✅ Tip: Write a draft, wait 15 minutes, re-read it, and then decide whether to send. ✅ Tip: If you need more time, respond with: “I’ll check on that and get back to you later today.” ❌ DON’T: Use the Child as a Messenger Never send messages through your child or discuss texts with them. Kids should never be put in the middle or made to feel responsible for managing communication between parents. ❌ Avoid: “Tell your mom she needs to be on time this time.” ❌ Avoid: Showing your child angry messages from the other parent. ✅ DO: Keep a Record of Important Messages Save texts that involve agreements about parenting time, expenses, or decisions about your child. Keeping a clean record can help clarify misunderstandings and provide documentation if needed in court or mediation. ✅ Tip: Avoid editing or deleting message threads related to your child’s care. ❌ DON’T: Overshare or Get Personal Your co-parent doesn’t need to know how you feel about their new relationship, parenting style, or weekend plans. Keep the conversation centered on co-parenting—not your emotions or opinions. ❌ Avoid: “It’s interesting that you suddenly have time for him now.” ❌ Avoid: “By the way, I saw you out with someone new—just thought I’d mention it.” Final Thoughts Texting your co-parent doesn't have to be stressful. When messages are respectful, focused, and child-centered, communication becomes more productive—and parenting becomes easier for everyone involved. At Hope For Our Future, LLC, we help co-parents improve their communication and reduce conflict, so they can work toward peaceful, consistent parenting routines that support their children. This post was written by Chelle Hendershot, who is a dedicated Mediator, Guardian ad Litem, and Parenting Coordinator at Hope For Our Future, LLC, with a passion for helping individuals and families navigate through life's most challenging moments. This post is not intended to be legal advice and is for marketing purposes only. Copyright © 2025 Hope For Our Future, LLC. All rights reserved. This blog post may be shared, copied, and distributed in its entirety for non-commercial purposes, provided that proper attribution is given, and no modifications are made to the original work. Photo Credit: 55621892 Andrea De Martin Dreamstime.com
May 30, 2025
Separation is one of the most emotional and life-altering changes a person can go through. It shifts not only your relationship status, but your routines, identity, and expectations for the future. Whether the separation was recent or you're still adjusting after several months, learning how to rebuild your life as a separated parent takes time—and that’s okay. This post is written from a non-attorney perspective and is not intended to be legal advice. Every family is different. These suggestions are based on my work supporting parents through transitions and rebuilding. 1. Redefine “Family” on Your Terms Family doesn’t have to mean living under the same roof. It means showing up, creating safe routines, and being emotionally present for your children. Many parents feel grief about losing the traditional idea of family, but separation doesn't mean your family is broken—it just means it’s changing. Let your kids know that you’re still a team, even if you live in separate homes. This new chapter is an opportunity to build a supportive, healthy dynamic. 2. Accept That There Will Be Growing Pains You may feel exhausted, overwhelmed, angry, or unsure of what’s next. These are all normal responses to a major life change. So are your child’s behaviors—clinginess, mood swings, sadness, or acting out may be signs they’re also adjusting. Give yourself and your children permission to feel all the feelings. You don’t have to have all the answers right away. You just have to keep showing up. 3. Establish New Routines One of the best ways to restore stability is to create predictable routines for your child—and for yourself. This includes morning and bedtime rituals, meal routines, and consistent parenting time transitions. Even if your co-parent’s home operates differently, maintaining steady routines in your own home builds a sense of safety and reliability. 4. Focus on What You Can Control You can’t control your ex’s behavior, the court system, or how others perceive your situation. But you can control how you respond, how you care for your child, and how you treat yourself. Let that be your focus. Start small: organize your space, plan your week, or set a family goal. Feeling a sense of accomplishment—especially after a season of loss or chaos—is empowering. 5. Reach Out for Support You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s through a trusted friend, therapist, support group, or parenting coordinator, there are people who want to help. Having someone who understands your situation—without judgment—can make a huge difference. If communication with your co-parent is difficult or tense, consider mediation or parenting coordination as tools to reduce stress and create agreements that keep your child at the center. Final Thoughts Starting fresh doesn’t mean forgetting the past—it means choosing to move forward with intention. It means making decisions that support your healing and your child’s well-being. You won’t always get it perfect, but that’s not the goal. The goal is to keep growing, keep learning, and keep loving your child through it all. At Hope For Our Future, LLC , I help separated parents rebuild with compassion, structure, and child-focused solutions—because your children’s future matters, and so does yours. This post was written by Chelle Hendershot, who is a dedicated Mediator, Guardian ad Litem, and Parenting Coordinator at Hope For Our Future, LLC, with a passion for helping individuals and families navigate through life's most challenging moments. This post is not intended to be legal advice and is for marketing purposes only. Copyright © 2025 Hope For Our Future, LLC. All rights reserved. This blog post may be shared, copied, and distributed in its entirety for non-commercial purposes, provided that proper attribution is given, and no modifications are made to the original work. Photo Credit: 33958263 Dieniti Dreamstime.com